Be The Miracle…

And I know you were never right
I’ll admit I was never wrong
I could never make up my mind
I made it up as I went along

And though I treated you like a child
I’m gonna miss you for the rest of my life

All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you

– Mike & The Mechanics: “All I Need Is A Miracle”

So it’s raining really hard. There’s a fundamental Christian living beside a river and it starts to flood. The sheriff’s deputies come by and tell him he should leave before the river cuts off the road.

“The Lord will save me,” he tells them.

The river is up to the front porch and the some folks come by in a boat and tell him to hop in and they’ll take him to safety.

“The Lord will save me,” he tells them.

The water rises above the first floor and the man has to climb on his roof. The National Guard comes by in a boat and begs the man to come with them.

“The Lord will save me,” he tells them.

The waters keep rising and the man is clinging to his chimney. A helicopter appears and lowers a rope, but he refuses to go, telling them “The Lord will save me.”

Finally he is standing on top of the chimney and the river is still rising.

“Lord,” he calls out, “Lord, why have you forsaken me?”

The sky splits open and a HUGE voice booms out… “I sent two boats and a helicopter… What more do you want?”

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.

She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, “Sure”. He walked over to the car, and immediately the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”

I thought I was being cool
Yeah, I thought I was being strong
But it’s always the same old story
You never know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone

And if I ever catch up with you
I’m gonna love you for the rest of your life

All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you
All I need is a miracle, all I need is you

– Mike & The Mechanics: “All I Need Is A Miracle”

Whether you’re religious or not, the phrase “God helps those who help themselves” still makes a lot of sense! 🙂

I want ice water.

More from the Random Ravings volume