Between The Wolf And The Moon

Originally, I grabbed the two videos in this post intent on pondering the following issue: Whether it hurts more to live with the memory of a love once had but lost – as in my case, or living a life with no memories of having loved at all – as in the case of our fictional friend, the Wolverine? An interesting question, right? Unfortunately, things have happened this weekend to cast these videos in a different light entirely.

We all have our demons, lurking inside, mostly beyond our awareness, just waiting for a “trigger” releasing it to bring a taste of “Hell on Earth” into our lives. Having witnessed it far too often to ever want to see it again, and knowing full well that most can’t even be bothered to investigate its roots, I ended up committing what those same people consider an act of insanity: by building as many barriers between myself and them as I could.

But the thing is that, short of actually moving away to live in the wilderness where I don’t have anywhere near the skills I’d need to survive, the barriers I’ve built can provide only limited degrees of genuine isolation. Which is why, even as I write this, I am unable to escape the sounds of violence that have been leaking through my walls from the apartment next door since late last night.

And even before this latest episode from my neighbors, I was recovering from the news that my youngest son had to be admitted to the hospital late Friday night. According to him, he was trying to break up a fight between his brother (my oldest son) and another of the guys from the group they’d gone out clubbing with, and ended up being hit by the car my oldest son was driving in the parking lot outside the club.

To be fair, I haven’t actually talked to my oldest son to hear his explanation for what happened. Frankly, I’m not sure what good my asking would do anyway. After all, everyone involved was drunk at the time, so at best their memory of the events would be unreliable. And, at worst, everyone will “spin” the story to minimize their own role in the chaos. Attempting to sort through that madness is simply more than I want to deal with.

Beyond my being sick of the chaos and not wanting to sort through the lies, however, there’s another reason why I refuse to become involved: My own demon, lurking inside and waiting for the “trigger” that releases it, finally, to focus my intellect on teaching every human in my path that ultimate lesson in civility I so badly want them to learn.

Anyway… I’d rather go back to thinking about these videos in the way I originally meant to present them – as an intersting philosophical question, because while still very painful to consider, the thought of me hurting, alone and in silence, is still preferable to a vision of myself dancing gleefully in the blood of my fellow man.

I want ice water.

Related:
Us? Civilized? Not!
X-Men Origins: Wolverine Trailer
X-Men Origins: Wolverine – Film Plot Summary

More from the My Life volume