To Be, Or Not To Be…

It occurs to me that there may be one or two people out there who’ve been wondering what’s up with the dramatic drop off in postings for this blog, so I thought I should at least make some attempt to explain it all… Well, to be honest, I’m not exactly sure that I can.

I suppose I could say that my efforts to get both my physical and mental health problems under some sort of control are disrupting my life to the point where I just don’t have the time anymore, and there’s certainly some truth to that. But the fact is that, despite how big a chore taking my meds and checking my blood sugar and blood pressure may seem, they don’t really add that much to my day.

The truth is that what has really changed is all in my head, or, more precisely, how what’s going on inside my head is reflected to the world outside my head. Not that I was aware of the change mind you. In fact, when I talked to my son about it yesterday, he stunned me by reporting that he’d noticed a dramatic change in my behavior but had been reluctant to say anything about it.

After thinking long and hard about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really haven’t changed at all. What has changed is my willingness to be perceived as an “Apocalypse Andy” by the rest of the world…

My son and I shared a good laugh when I showed him that video. But then he reminded me that the only real way my shrinks can determine that my meds are working is if I appear more “normal” to them than I did before – as in not constantly saying things that freak other people out. Which, of course, is pretty much all I do on this blog. But the problem with that is that deriving therapy from expressing the craziness in my head is the very foundation upon which the blog is based.

I was about to post something short, featuring that video, and making fun of the whole issue yesterday, right after that conversation with my son. But then the news reminded me it was the anniversary of the day when all my dark forebodings seemed to come true…

What to do? What to do?

I want ice water.

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23 thoughts on “To Be, Or Not To Be…

  1. Ranting against a world that isn’t gonna change is a difficult urge to resist, but is, as I have myself learned over the last year, pointless. The only thing left to do is mock or celebrate the decline of internet and wider culture. Or just ignore it and find something else to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You know, maybe you shouldn’t over think it too much. I mean, understanding a tiny bit about your situation and guessing most of it, I’d like to think that for most of us who have been following over the years see a lot of different sides to you even if you think you’ve only shown one side. In your honesty and in your choices of posts, a fuller more well-rounded character, human-being, spirit has emerged. He’s funny sometimes, ironic others, hilarious, insightful, geeky (in the best way possible Sci-Fi boy) and so much more… my point is, you’re so much more than what you think you’ve shown us. And here’s the kicker: We like it. We like all of it. We like you. I do. And surely I’ve missed you — but I knew you’d be back…

    And we’ll take you back when you’re ready, we’ll wait a little longer if we have too, but either way, the genius in your writing and in your presenting your creativeness may seem like it comes from the “craziness in your head” but to us, your consumers, your followers, we see it as a pretty cool dude who has something pretty brilliant to say each and every time he chooses to say it — Oh, and I always wonder what video you’ll add or attach next….

    I guess what I’m saying is: Trust us. We’ll wait. We’ll read what’s next. And we’ll enjoy it, comment on it and express our ideas too — because the truth is, as much as you think you’re writing a blog for you, you’re really writing a blog for the rest of us too.

    Miss you much Mak.

    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

    Carmen

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Great commercial–this is the first time I’ve seen it.

    I can certainly relate to med problems–I’m going through hell with them right now.

    And odds are you are far more sane than you realize. Insanity is generally defined as being out of touch with reality. By this definition, most people with mental illness are quite sane–often more sane than people without it. We–you and I and others–are very much in touch with reality. As this world–this country in particular–gets crazier and crazier, we get more and more terrified. The majority of Americans have no idea how crazy–insane–this country is getting. The majority of Americans do not have mental illness–but they’re crazy as hell. Borrowing from a Rumi poem, “Whoever’s calm and sensible is insane.” And I think that says it all. Those who are calm and sensible in today’s world, particularly today’s America, are insane–while those like us, who are alarmed, to say the least, are quite sane.

    Most of us with mental illness have to take medications to function in this insane society, this insane time. But in another time, we might be considered geniuses, visionaries–even prophets.

    Please bear in mind–other people cannot truly determine how sane you are. Only you can truly determine how sane you are. Because you know yourself better than anyone else in the world knows you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the great comment Scott. It has, however, pointed out to me that I could have worded my post a little better.

      First of all, I’ve never thought of myself as insane, though there have definitely been times when I’ve wondered how so many people who call me “crazy” could be wrong. And that’s precisely why I jokingly refer to myself the way they do – in reality, it’s intended as more of a joke on them instead of me.

      Secondly, what makes that commercial so funny to me is that “Apocalypse Andy” is responding to hard evidence that would be clear to anyone who simply bothered to open their eyes, while the people around – the majority – him treat him as one of those “Chicken Little” types who gets all hysterical over nothing.

      Everything (or almost everything) I’ve posted has the hidden intent to leave people wondering about their own view of the world once they’ve stopped laughing. I just wish I was better at it…

      Like

  4. I was so glad to see you pop up in my reader and was going to comment on your post but then I read Carmen’s comment above and, really, she says exactly what I would have liked to say, but more eloquently than I ever could

    so I’ll just say ‘ditto’ to what Carmen said 😆

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I really enjoy your blog….keep it up…. I don,t care weather you are giving me a laugh…getting me all fired up…taking the other side, way. Out there somewhere …or making me wonder
    WTF…..I love it all……..it keeps me entertained….and my mind active! Have not had a chance to follow lately…with many trips to the hospital with Dave, ….. I will have to remember to take my tablet…and charger with me from now on.! Miss you😜 🇺🇸

    Liked by 1 person

    • Other than to say thank you, I really don’t know what to say Rosie. And that, of course, is the problem. My head is still chock full of thoughts and feelings I want to express, it just can’t seem to convince my body that they’re worth expressing! It’s like getting off the road somehow, and then not being about to a way back on…

      Like

  6. Allow me to grovel, Mak, for having missed this post (I’ve been a bit self-absorbed lately). It’s wonderful to see you popped up again, however briefly. Know I think about you a lot, and please don’t hold my absence against me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Mak! Was reading about an upcoming presentation of the “Wizard of Oz” movie accompanied by Pink Floyd as the soundtrack, and how if PF is started just as the MGM lion roars the 3rd time, it is supposed to make the movie even more memorable. Which made me wonder what your take on that would be.

    Hope you are keeping warm during the cold & snowy parts of winter… And warm & dry during the flooding parts! Incredibly weird midwestern winter this year….

    Won’t bug you more now — take good care — hope to see you back when you get a chance!!

    ☀❄🌊😊
    Karen

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hope you’re doing well and as for me I think it’s good that u have this outlet for whatever comes into your mind, be rantingsure or cosmos loving posts. I love it all and it’s who you are, hard to change but hope to see a new post soon. Love you mate.

    Like

  9. Hey, I Man. I’ve been MIA for quite a while myself. Was it something in the type of air that people us share? Really don’t know. Dipping my toes in gradually. Came here first. Write back if you’re still there. P.

    Liked by 1 person

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