It’s Make A Mockery Saturday!

How’s about a few jokes, and some great music, help kick your Saturday into high gear? The first joke is from my good friend Rosie, who’s son has a major operation coming up at the end of the month. I hope you’ll all keep her and her son in your thoughts… 😕

Irish Mirror (I hope this brightens up your day)

After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.

In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.

“How ’bout that?” he exclaims, “Here’s a picture of my Fadder!”

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly bitch he’s running around with!”

You have to love the Irish!

Nude Beach Family Holiday!

A mom and dad decided to go to a nude beach and figured it’s OK to take their six year old son because he was too young to understand. After being there about a half an hour the boy looked at mom and said, “Mom why do some ladies have bigger chests than you?”

Mom said, “The bigger she is, the dumber she is…”

Another half hour, “Mom why do some men have bigger wee wee’s than daddy?”

Mom answered, “Son, the bigger the man, the dumber he is…”

About two hours later the mom says, “Where’s dad?”

The boy said, “He is over there talking to the dumbest lady on the whole beach, and the more he talks to her the dumber he gets!”

Boobs In Church!

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn’t concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church.

When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice. “Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?”

The young woman replied, “Why reverend, all of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts.”

“Hmm. Well let me check,” said the reverend, placing his head between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said, “I don’t hear angels singing!”

“Of course not, Reverend,” she said. “You’re not plugged in yet!”

Funny Wrestling!

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler’s trainer came to him and said “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished.” The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried His face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”

The wrestler answered “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in That hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”

The trainer exclaimed “That’s what finished him off?”

“Not really. It’s amazing how strong you get when you bite your own nuts!”

And now, some mood completing “Saturday Night” music from the great Elton John! 😀

Here’s to a successful operation for my friend Rosie’s son. With all they’ve been going through, the good cheer she’s maintained through it all is clear evidence of what a great lady she is!

A Toast

I want ice water.

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