Stopped For Speeding!

This one really cracked me up!

Yesterday I Got Stopped For Speeding…

I Thought I Could Talk My Way Out Of It…

Until The Cop Looked At My Dog In The Back Seat!

This one is destined to become a classic!

Send it to a friend who needs a smile.

Personally, I’ll bet the cat wouldn’t even get in the car!

I want ice water.

Dream Boat?… Try Dream Luxury Liner!

I swear that I received this e-mail before, back before I started this blog, except with different photos. I still have the original photos, which I’ll show at the end.

What does a 320 pound woman look like?

Now, before you scroll down to look at her pictures, get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 lbs looks like…

GOT IT?

Not exactly what you were expecting is it??

The tallest and best proportioned woman in the world lives in Holland.

She is 7′4″ and weighs 320 lbs!

What a relief!

Now we ALL know we aren’t overweight; we’re just too short! I knew it!

Have A Great Day!

Now here are the images I already had:

Is this the same woman?

Or is there a community of Goddesses out there
that I don’t know about?

I want ice water.

Your Sunday Loon

I had another of those really bad nights – being haunted by ghosts of my past I guess. After waking myself up several times from crying out in my sleep, I finally got out of bed – shaking like a rattler and ready to bite. What was I so pissed at? I have no idea. Myself? My ghosts? The world at large? I don’t remember enough of my dream to even begin to guess.

So, after spending a couple of hours shaking and seething, I decided to do what any other well adjusted neurotic barely hanging on to his sanity would do to avoid a full blown, all out panic attack.

First, I took a chill pill.

And then I did what always works best:

Scream along with some music that best matched my mood!

Alice Cooper – No More Mister Nice Guy

I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing…
‘Til they… got a hold of me…
I opened doors for little old ladies…
I helped the blind to see…

I got no friends ’cause they read the papers
They can’t be seen… with me
And I’m getting real shot down
And I’m… feeling mean

No more Mister Nice Guy!
No more Mister Clean!
No more Mister Nice Guy!
They say “He’s sick! He’s obscene!”

I got no friends ’cause they read the papers
They can’t be seen… with me
And I’m feeling real shot down
And I’m, I’m getting mean

No more Mister Nice Guy!
No more Mister Clean!
No more Mister Nice Guy!
They say “He’s sick! He’s obscene!”

My dog bit me on the leg today…
My cat clawed my eyes…
My mom’s been thrown out of the societal circles…
And dad has to hide…

I went to church… incognito…
When everybody rose…
The Reverend Smith he, he recognized me…
Then punched me in the nose!

He said “No more Mister Nice Guy!”
“No more Mister Clean!”
“No more Mister Nice Guy!”
He said “You’re sick! You’re obscene!”

No more Mister Nice Guy!
No more Mister Clean!
No more Mister Nice Guy!
He said “You’re sick! You’re obscene!”

I feel soooo much better now…

How are you feeling today?

Thanks to my friends for the graphics. You know who you are.

I want ice water.