Finally, lots of people posted about the recent solar storm activity and the amazing auroral displays it produced. Here are a couple of the many videos I ran across:
Because of my desire to watch the ongoing Australian Open tennis tournament, and the residual fear of being bug-bit while I slept, I’d been avoiding taking my prescribed sleeping meds. But I was hurting so bad last night (from built up tension?) that I decided my body really, really needed the rest. Besides, the Women’s Final between Victoria Azarenka and Maria Sharapova promised to be such a scream-fest that I thought it best to just record it for viewing some time today.
Anyway… the night that followed included one of the most interesting dream sequences I’ve had in a very long time. First of all, those who have followed this blog will know how much I love to sing and how being a professional singer has always been one of my greatest fantasies. Secondly, those who have followed this blog will also know that the posts I’ve written about dreams tend to include the music of The Moody Blues and/or Justin Hayward & John Lodge (The Moody Blues lead singers).
Well, last night’s dream(s) started with an agent overhearing me singing The Moody Blues’ Melancholy Man (from A Question of Balance) and went on to include my singing, on stage, too many of my favorite songs to remember…
I remember waking up at one point, overwhelmed with excitement, and immediately decided to go back to sleep in the hopes that there would be more. And there was so much more, concluding with Nights in White Satin and Isn’t Life Strange…
To me, the amazing thing about these dreams was the fact that I could sing all those wonderful songs without breaking down emotionally and having to stop. I can’t remember a time when I could do that in my waking life – including today, as I sorted through the songs I wanted to include in this post.
But performing them as I’ve always wanted, in my dreams at least, sure was nice…
I’m sure that at least a few of you have been wondering where the hell I’ve been. Well it’s all very embarrassing to be honest, but I will attempt to explain as best I can. Are you at all familiar with the The Irresistible Force Paradox? You know, the one that goes like this:
“What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?”
Well I sort of lived out my own version of that paradox over the last couple of months – like so:
1. A mentally ill man (who’s “problems” include both extreme social anxiety and an extreme insect phobia) goes off his medications for well over a year and becomes an “immovable” urban hermit.
2. That urban hermit has his sanctuary threatened by a seemingly “unstoppable” invasion of bed bugs?
So what happens when these two things meet? As it turns out, disturbingly like this:
I didn’t know it at the time, but my nightmare began sometime in mid to late November with a rare visit from a relative and his friend. By the end of the first week in January, after apparently repeated failures by me (and the guy my apartment management sent to investigate) to kill off the bugs, and with growing anxiety over the boatload work required to meet my management’s “pre-treatment” requirements, I had become a delusional (from getting almost no sleep for weeks), panic stricken lunatic.
Then, early on the morning of January 6th, after passing out at my desk (the only place I felt comfortable trying to sleep), I awoke in an all-out panic attack with uncontrollable shakes and had to be taken to the emergency room…
Tilt!
At least I didn’t kill anyone!
The emergency room doctors determined that I was in desperate need of psychiatric treatment and had me transferred to the VA hospital, where I was locked away on an “acute” psychiatric ward (with all its associated wonders) until I convinced the doctors there to release me on January 17 (after 11 days total).
I say “convinced” because my doctors were very concerned that returning to the same environment would simply lead me to another breakdown, and thus right back into their care. But I pointed out that the relief I got from being away from that environment and back on my meds was rapidly being overwhelmed by the dual strains of being locked on a psych ward – surrounded by some really, really sick people – and the knowledge that the situation at home will still be there no matter how long I avoid it.
Anyway… As it turns out, the bug killing measures I’d taken before my collapse weren’t entirely in vain, because I haven’t seen a single one since I got home. Nevertheless, I completed enough of the massive preparation work required by the management (with which I received absolutely no help from anyone) to get the first of two full-scale exterminations done, and things are looking better and better by the day. The second treatment will be in a few days and then only the bill will remain to be dealt with.
In the end, reality has proven the paradox false once again. As for how this nightmare can be apportioned to the realms of “real” and “imagined,” I truly do not know. But it is very clear that allowing my mental illness to go untreated leaves me more vulnerable than I ever want to be again!
First, a big Thank You to WordPress.com for this very cool 2011 annual stats report:
Here’s an excerpt:
Madison Square Garden can seat 20,000 people for a concert. This blog was viewed about 64,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Madison Square Garden, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
Holy crap! I just realized that it’s already 2112 in Samoa and I still haven’t posted the big “Year In Review” thing I’d been planning. So, in a bit of a desperate rush I’m afraid, I’ve selected these videos, from the small mountain of choices I’ve stockpiled, as best representing my important memories of 2011:
Now I know y’all are planning on some big time celebrating tonight, but in light of the Mayan prediction that this will be your last New Year’s Eve, I thought you might like some “partying” advice from these experts from the last big End-Of-The-World scare:
I Want Ice Water
Is a mixture of humor & seriousness that reflects my own personal philosophy of life.
From growing up a poor, mixed-race kid in the 50s, 60s & 70s, to living as a depressed urban hermit in recovery, this is a collection of my pleas for reason & rationality in this global asylum.
The Only Thing I'm Certain Of Is:
I Don't Know Everything!
All Of My Opinions Are Subject To Change As New Facts Come In.
Your Comments Will Always Be Welcomed.
